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Is egg freezing a good thing? A recent article in the Forward by Amy Klein explores the personal stories of a growing number of Jewish women considering egg freezing. Egg freezing  is empowering for some, a relief for others and scary for others. For cancer patients it ought to be a given option.  For the general population, however, more questions are in order.

Egg freezing may add to the societal pressure on women’s bodies. We cannot treat women’s bodies as machines that can simply have parts temporarily preserved. As with all technologies that have the potential for good, society needs to change too. How we think about family building needs to change. The attitude of work versus family needs to change. The role of men in all of this needs to be discussed. How can we stop the I-never-thought-about-it, now-it-is-getting-late and we-can-control-it-all rat race and begin to have meaningful conversations with young people about the role of fertility and family?

To be sure this is not about blaming women for taking the opportunity to utilize this amazing technology to help them preserve their chances of motherhood. For sure, egg freezing has benefits and women absolutely deserve and have the right to control their bodies and their fertility. However, most technologies have unintended consequences as well as negative effects and it is important to consider them. Some of those are the issues about careers, fertility, family building, parenting, gender roles, and the politics of women’s bodies that are not being addressed. Let us not utilize this technology to prevent these conversations from happening.  These conversations are needed – early, openly and often – to empower women from the start. Not just to justify looking at the the freezer for a back up.

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Many find mikveh to be a place of healing and rejuvenation. Being part of the practice of for married women to immerse in a mikvah after menstruation before have relations with her husband, mikveh is intimately tied to fertility. However, for those experiencing fertility challenges, it can be a painful reminder that conception has not occurred.

Our partners at Yesh Tikvah have recently worked with the Eden Center to produce a booklet called “Birkat Emunah: A Mikvah Resource” (the title means “Blessing of Faith”), which provides prayers (in Hebrew and English), practical suggestions and personal stories to help women gain more control over their mikveh experience while facing infertility or pregnancy loss. Read more about the launch as published in the Forward or download the booklet.

 

 

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Hasidah’s name which means “stork” comes from the Hebrew word hesed, which means loving-kindness. Loving-kindness is showing support when people need it in the way they need it. Loving-kindness is maintaining their dignity while they are in need and in the process of helping them. Loving-kindness is helping them without making them beg for it. 

Every one of these baby crowd funding campaigns is a lost opportunity for the Jewish community to show loving-kindness, something we do so well for many other circumstances. Wanting to have a child is a basic desire that most of us understand without much explanation. Yet, we let people beg: Help me fund a chance to have a baby!

Thanks to the Forward for highlighting this issue. Let us know what you think – if the Jewish community will spend billions on trips to Israel in the name of the birthright, how can we direct support for the birthrate?

 

 

 

 

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Traditionally called the Season of Joy, Sukkot is inherently wrapped in fertility. Historically and religiously associated with agriculture, Sukkot is a harvest festival celebrating the fertility of the earth. Living in booths (Sukkot) commemorates the Israelite’s wanderings in the desert. Their temporary and unstable nature also reminds of of how fragile our lives and the world is.

The special reading done for this holiday is from Kohelet, which begins, “To everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under the heaven. A time to be born, a time to die…”

Fertility and the fragility are related. Those of us who have experienced fertility challenges know this all too well. But time plays a role as well. Most of it during a fertility journey seems to be spent waiting. A time to wait… and another time to wait. But Kohelet’s perspective can be helpful during fertility challenges. The verses continue that there is “A time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance.” Indeed all things under heaven have a time and a purpose. While fertility can feel all consuming, we do have other purposes in life. And time will continue. The message of fragility at this season is also a reminder of what endures. Our choice to laugh or cry endures. Our ability to reach out to another for support when we mourn and to dance when there is joy endures.

So if this Season of Joy seems hard to reach for you, if you are intimately feeling the fragility of the fertility world, remember there is a purpose for you in this world. Feel the enduring presence of your self and your ability to laugh and cry. And if you are mourning, know too that there will be a time to dance.

Always, there will be time.

Chag Sukkot Sameach – Warm wishes for a joyous Sukkot Holiday

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FINAL CALL FOR APPLICATIONS!

Co-sponsored by The Red Stone and Hasidah, four $500 grants for individuals and couples in the Washington DC area for fertility and adoption related expenses are available. Applications can be downloaded at www.theredstone.org and are due November 2 (paperwork from doctors/adoption agencies can come later). Email amy@theredstone.org with questions.

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Hasidah’s founder and CEO, Rabbi Idit Solomon,  has an article published in Kveller. Many people assume that once someone is pregnant the pain of infertility is gone. This well received post explores how the effects of infertility continue even after pregnancy is achieved

For more information on the topic and additional support resources, see this wonderful article at OurBodiesOurselves.

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Rabbinic Students in Pastoral Care Class at American Jewish University

Rabbinic Students in Pastoral Care Class at American Jewish University

Rabbi Idit Solomon presented at Hebrew Union College – Jewish Institute of Religion, American Jewish University and the Academy for Jewish Religion in Los Angeles this week.

Part of Hasidah’s mission is to build a robust network within the Jewish community to provide support for people throughout their fertility journey. Clergy and communal professional leaders play a critical role in building awareness and inclusion and being a source of support and resources when people face difficult times. The seminars helped  future rabbis, cantors, chaplains and faculty gain awareness about infertility and develop skills for providing people experiencing infertility and fertility challenges with emotional and spiritual support.
HUC LogoAJU Logo

 

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Hasidah’s Rabbi Idit Solomon served as one of the advisers for G-dcast’s  latest life cycle video: Questions about Jewish Adoption and Surrogacy

G-dCast’s mission in producing the video: Making a path towards parenting easier on everyone, this animated short answers a few of the common Jewish questions about Adoption and Surrogacy.

Thanks G-dCast for bringing awareness to this important issue!

 

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Hasidah is fundraising to help Jewish babies be born. We get the questions posed in this Crowdfunding Babies article a lot. The Jewish community funds camps, day schools, trips to Israel, children’s books, community gardens, learning programs, film festivals, guest speakers, musical performance, etc, etc, etc. It seems that having a Jewish child is a least as worthy. We don’t ask parents to crowdfund their children’s education, or for seniors to fund raise for their meal assistance. The community subsidizes it because it is important. And we should. We should also assist those struggling with infertility to bring Jewish children into the world.

See more posts like this on on our Facebook page: Facebook.com/JewishStork

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Rosh Hashanah 5774
Hannah: A Modern Interpretation

וַיְהִי֩ אִ֨ישׁ אֶחָ֜ד מִן־הָרָֽמָתַ֛יִם צוֹפִ֖ים מֵהַ֣ר אֶפְרָ֑יִם וּשְׁמ֡וֹ אֶ֠לְקָנָ֠ה בֶּן־יְרֹחָ֧ם בֶּן־אֱלִיה֛וּא בֶּן־תֹּ֥חוּ בֶן־צ֖וּף אֶפְרָתִֽי:  וְלוֹ֙ שְׁתֵּ֣י נָשִׁ֔ים שֵׁ֤ם אַחַת֙ חַנָּ֔ה וְשֵׁ֥ם הַשֵּׁנִ֖ית פְּנִנָּ֑ה וַיְהִ֤י לִפְנִנָּה֙ יְלָדִ֔ים וּלְחַנָּ֖ה אֵ֥ין יְלָדִֽים
(1Samuel 1:1-2) Now there was a certain man of Ramathaim-zophim, of the hill-country of Ephraim, and his name was Elkanah, the son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. And he had two wives: the name of one was Hannah, and the name of the second Peninnah; and Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children.

They were on many accounts successful. They had careers and a house and family and friends that loved them. But they had no children.


וּלְחַנָּ֕ה יִתֵּ֛ן מָנָ֥ה אַחַ֖ת אַפָּ֑יִם כִּ֤י אֶת־חַנָּה֙ אָהֵ֔ב וַֽיהֹוָ֖ה סָגַ֥ר רַחְמָֽהּ
(1:5) But to Hannah he would give a special portion, for it was Hannah he loved, but the Eternal One had shut her womb.

They saw doctors and specialists who could find nothing to repair. They ascended the ladder of interventions steadily and were lifted into the realm of Assisted Reproductive Technologies.

   וְכֵ֨ן יַֽעֲשֶׂ֜ה שָׁנָ֣ה בְשָׁנָ֗ה מִדֵּ֤י עֲלֹתָהּ֙ בְּבֵ֣ית יְהֹוָ֔ה כֵּ֖ן תַּכְעִסֶ֑נָּה וַתִּבְכֶּ֖ה
(1:7) And as he did so year by year, when she went up to the house of the God, so [Peninnah] vexed her; therefore [Hannah] wept,

And so this happened year by year. She continued to prayer for strength and health and asked God for compassion. And he began to work extra to pay for the medical bills. And life vexed them as the rest of the world seemed fecund and others with good intentions would comment. They went to more specialists, had more procedures, and had more losses. And as they slowly moved through life, pregnancies ended.

    וְהִ֖יא מָ֣רַת נָ֑פֶשׁ וַתִּתְפַּלֵּ֥ל עַל־יְהֹוָ֖ה וּבָכֹ֥ה תִבְכֶּֽה
(1:10) And she was in bitterness of soul–and prayed to the Eternal, and she wept deeply.

And her soul was in pain and she prayed to the Eternal One. And she wept bitterly.

  וְחַנָּ֗ה הִ֚יא מְדַבֶּ֣רֶת עַל־לִבָּ֔הּ רַ֚ק שְׂפָתֶ֣יהָ נָּע֔וֹת וְקוֹלָ֖הּ לֹ֣א יִשָּׁמֵ֑עַ
(1:13) Now Hannah, she spoke in her heart; only her lips moved, but her voice could not be heard;

Just before one of the IVF procedures, when she and he, the doctor and nurse, the lab technician and the assistant were present, she tried to pray for strength and health and ask God for compassion.  But only her lips moved and no words came out. So he read the words for her. And they all wept with hope.

Yet that too ended in loss.

So they began to ask God and themselves different questions.  They began to count their blessings differently. They made a commitment to help others who wanted children too but did not have such blessings.

    וַֽיִּזְכְּרֶ֖הָ יְהֹוָֽה:  וַֽיְהִי֙ לִתְקֻפ֣וֹת הַיָּמִ֔ים וַתַּ֥הַר חַנָּ֖ה וַתֵּ֣לֶד בֵּ֑ן
(1:19-20) And the Eternal remembered her. And it came to pass, when the time was come about, that Hannah conceived, and bore a son

And the Eternal One remembered her.  At the turn of the third year, blessed with the resources to secure the doctors and a clinic, a donor and nurses, and the strength to try again, they conceived. The following summer their twin daughters were born.

 וַתֹּ֨אמֶר֙ בִּ֣י אֲדֹנִ֔י חֵ֥י נַפְשְׁךָ֖ אֲדֹנִ֑י אֲנִ֣י הָֽאִשָּׁ֗ה הַנִּצֶּ֤בֶת עִמְּכָה֙ בָּזֶ֔ה לְהִתְפַּלֵּ֖ל אֶל־יְהֹוָֽה:  אֶל־הַנַּ֥עַר הַזֶּ֖ה הִתְפַּלָּ֑לְתִּי וַיִּתֵּ֨ן יְהֹוָ֥ה לִי֙ אֶת־שְׁאֵ֣לָתִ֔י אֲשֶׁ֥ר שָׁאַ֖לְתִּי מֵֽעִמּֽוֹ
(1:26-27) And she said, O my God, as you live my God, I am the woman that stood with you here to pray to the Eternal One. For this child I prayed; and the the Eternal One has granted me my petition which I asked of Him;

And when she planned to wean them, they went to the House of the Eternal One. They remembered their petitions to God and knew it was the time to fulfill the commitment of helping others. And the Hasidah Foundation was brought into life.

Hasidah comes from the root Hesed – lovingkindness. Hasidah means stork. The Hasidah Foundation’s purpose is to build Jewish families by providing financial support for Assisted Reproductive Technologies, which is the term that includes in vitro fertilization (IVF) and the many related treatments and procedures.

The reading above is the story of Hannah and Elkanah. There are many Hannahs and Elkanahs today whose prayers for children are not answered as expected. Feeling denied of the fundamental human ability of bearing children, being unable to fulfill the commandment to be fruitful and multiply, cuts deeply. Nobody is raised to think they may not be able to bear children in the traditional way. Quite the opposite – we are repeatedly cautioned of its ease.  The world of infertility then becomes dark and lonely. It is – it was – deeply personal and painful.

So there is silence, sadness, sometimes anger, and a loss of control. Balancing the hopes and the fears can become a Herculean effort.  And for some, during the difficult time of dealing with infertility, there is also an insurmountable financial barrier between them and Assisted Reproductive Technologies, which can be a potential solution.

Assisted Reproductive Technologies have been able to address many of the variables that cause infertility. Medical issues, cancer, genetic factors, male factors, female factors – there are many situations where Assisted Reproductive Technologies can provide real possibilities for having children. There is access to the procedures here in Columbus and around the country. The statistics for success are in our favor. However, the financial barrier is a real one for many. It can cost from $10K to over $40K all inclusively for one IVF cycle depending on what all is involved.

Hasidah’s goals are to build awareness about infertility in the Jewish community, to help ease the financial burden that for some is a complete barrier, and ultimately to build Jewish families.

To you who are reading this, thank you for recognizing this issue. We hope you will continue to spread awareness to those those in need and those who can help.

To the Hannahs and Elkanahs today in our community, my prayer for you is for strength, patience and hope and to know which one you need at which time.  May God and all of us hear your silent prayers and take notice of this affliction.

:וַיִּשְׁתַּ֥חוּ שָׁ֖ם לַיהֹוָֽה
(1Samuel 1:28) And they worshiped the eternal one there.

הָרַחֲמָן, הַמְרַחֵם, רַחֵם עָלֵֽינוּ
May the merciful One, Who acts mercifully, have mercy upon all of us.
Now and always.

שנה טובה
Good wishes for the New Year

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