By guest columnist Dr. Karen Wasserstein
What to do with another New Year? Being Jewish, I celebrate two New Years. Is it lucky to have two New Years or is it unlucky?
My family and I fully celebrate Rosh Hashanah as the Jewish New Year. We spend the month ahead of time talking about it, shopping and cooking for it, wishing everyone we see a Happy New Year. We greet each other with hopes for a year of growth, prosperity and blessing and readily accept those blessings in return. We wish each other a Shana Tova Umtukah, that we should have a sweet new year.
And then, about three and a half months later, as January rolls around, we bring in the New Year — again. We wind down the previous year and watch retrospectives on tv of the year in review. We watch as father time becomes an old man (with a sash with last year’s date) and turns into a newborn (with a sash with the new year date). We watch a ball drop in Times Square, get together with friends, wish each other a “Happy New Year!” and hope for a new year of promise, of potential and of hope for all of our dreams.
What both New Years have in common is a looking back on the last year and a look forward into the New Year. How was the last year? Did our dreams and hopes get fulfilled? Did we have a year of health? Of growth? How did our relationships weather last year and are they ready for the next one?
When one is facing fertility challenges, the New Year can powerfully remind us of all that has happened in the last year– and all that has not happened. Has another week, month, year gone by where there was no pregnancy? Was there loss? How many New Years will I face without knowing what my family will look like? How am I (or we) weathering this time? Am I ready to start another New Year plowing ahead on my fertility journey? This is when having two New Years can feel difficult, not so lucky. Another year gone by without having the family I am dreaming of and working so hard to build.
But on the other hand, maybe I have hope, even cautious hope. Maybe as I can turn the page, the last year which had its share of pain and disappointment can come to completion, and I can move into the next year with the potential for more, even as I know that I have no answers and no guarantees. I can take the lessons of last year as I move ahead. Maybe my partner and I have learned how to cope together in a way that we had not had a year ago. Maybe I have developed a network of others, or I attend a support group where I feel held up and able to face another day. This is when having two New Years can feel lucky; two opportunities to turn the page, to start again.
Every year builds on the one before. We are ever changed by the past and still try to live in the present. Overall, new beginnings are important. Some years, I would like to find even more New Years to celebrate– to help me pause and take a breath as I start a new beginning. But for now, I’ll stick with the two I’ve got.
A Happy New Year to all — may it bring you growth and fulfillment in all areas of your life.
Dr. Karen Wasserstein is a psychologist in Maryland and Virginia specializing in the area of fertility and family building. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org